We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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