No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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