I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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