man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
