Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
