come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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