from now on my penis is your penis
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
