Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You ruined the universe
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
