The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
