Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I believe in your delicious
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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