Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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