I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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