You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
