I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
