She went from zero to smokin in five shots
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
