Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
