Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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