sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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