Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
