R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
