I only kidnapped one of them. chill
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
