we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
