plz talk dirty to me
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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