i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
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