Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
