she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
