At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
