i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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