oh god the rape fog is back!
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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