So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
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