Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
