THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
