hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Randomize
