we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
