remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
