Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
we made out on top of his cat.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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