so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
