I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
