i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
