my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
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