i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
