he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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