You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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