all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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