you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
