I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
