I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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