he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Randomize
