Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
