32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'm having to shit out rocks
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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