I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Randomize
