I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
